i don’t know if you guys will know what i’m talking about but in a lot of fantasy novels and tv shows, there have been scenes where a character will just be in a world that is devoid of any buildings, people, or anything. just like a big, blank, endless world where they will be surrounded by vast nothingness.
that’s what my senioritis feels like right now. there’s a feeling of laziness but it doesn’t feel like the traditional lack of desire to do anything. because i do want to do something, anything, everything. i want to go to college, explore philosophy, read more, dance more, meet people, and all of that. but for some reason, i feel as if i’m standing at a crossroad that resembles that blank white world where i could go anywhere and do anything, if i had any idea what it is i want to do. things that previously mattered before matter less than before and the only thing i can see is the endless possibility that extends in front of me.
this is probably the product of my accepting uncertainty almost too much, to the point where i no longer can see any of the potential paths of life i may take.
this is all word vomit, haha. this is what i get for taking a break from drafting scholarship essays.
til next time?